Dispair and Revival
by Rakuengaki
Summary: Everything is darkness. Everything is pain. Pure and utter Pain. He screams at night and is numb during the day. nothing works. Nothing makes sence. It just... hurts.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.

His lips were quivering. His hands were shaking. Tears were rolling down his face. The muscles in his arms strained against the shackles that bound them to the craggy wall behind him. A name rested on the very tip of his tongue. A howl was rising in his throat. His mind was numb, whirling with questions. Why? What...? It was all so… confusing, horrifying, …monstrous. His throat worked to swallow down the bile and howl yet it took a few tries for some unknown reason. The shackles jangled again and he felt his foot move out to nudge what was in front of him. There was a clang and… nothing. Not a single thing inside. No color but the color of the armor and the shadows that inhabited it. Everything was an echo now. Everything was numb now. His eyes ached, his throat ached, his whole body hurt and stung whenever he moved. There was something creeping down the back of his neck, the sides of his face, his arms, and his forehead. That same color that was missing from inside was seeping into his eyes from the crevices of his fractured being. He could feel it flowing through his body, out of his body, into his mouth. His lips quivered more as his vision began to give way. He welcomed it with open arms and willing soul.

'Take me from here,' he pleaded to anyone… anything that was listening to him and had the power to make this just… stop. 'Take me away from here… from this place… this life… just… take me,' The cold tendrils wrapped around his being, soothing his aches and pains from him and sending his mind to a numb plain where it could rest for as long as it wished. His eyes continued staring though the gaze was blank. The tears continued falling though the ground was unmoved. And the body hung there… for all the world as if it were a lifeless little doll.

Their calls were frantic. The footsteps were frantic. The lights bouncing off the cave walls were frantic. Everything was a frantic search as men and woman in military uniforms continued searching for something some did not even believe to be there. Orders were being shouted to one another and the large group began to split down the many tunnels, making sure to leave markings where they had been. It had been a bitter realization for Colonel Roy Mustang that… just maybe… that innocent looking letter had been right. What had led him to believe so was the small patch of red on the very bottom corner of the paper, as if someone had dipped it into red paint or something. The words had been short sweet and to the point, so to speak and cave just one bit of a clue. They would be somewhere dark and to the south.

As he continued to follow the other soldiers down a particularly large tunnel a sudden wave of fear struck him. What if the note had been lying about the condition they would probably be found in? What if… if they found them one of them was dead? Another chill swept through him but it wasn't from the cold cavern air this time. A sight lay before him that he NEVER wanted to see. The lights from the flashlights reflected off the metallic armor of Alphonse Elric that was just… lying on the ground and not moving… or speaking. And hanging from shackles on the wall a few feet from the pile of armor, his left arm still securing him to the wall, his right arm unattached to his shoulder and still clutched in the metal embrace of the shackles, his luscious sunshine hair a mess and matted with crimson, was the elder brother. Edward Elric. He didn't move as the soldiers rushed forward to help him down from the chains nor did he make a sound as his arm was reconnected with his body. There were shouts of surprise and the medic that had been assigned to their team was slapping him gently to try and rouse him. Roy's breath caught in his throat as a particularly hard slap made Full Metal's head loll back on his shoulders. Dull, lifeless, amber eyes connected with his horrified black ones, the tears still leaking from them and blood seeping from somewhere upon his head to complete the image of a broken, soulless doll. There was nothing to this being at all save an exorbitant amount of grief should he wake up. He knew already the fate of the younger Elric yet the fate of the Older… was yet undetermined.

It rushed in a blur as the small body was hurried back to the main team and the armor was collected and taken as well. He was giving orders the whole time despite how numb his body felt. The older Elric was loaded onto a stretcher and put into the medical van they had brought with them for just such an emergency while the armor was placed in the jeep Roy had taken with First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. She said nothing as they followed the convoy back to the town they had passed and nothing more as they watched the Older Elric being rushed into the doctor's office. No words passed her lips as she followed him to his hotel room yet they did fall as he collapsed onto his borrowed bed.

"He'll be fine, sir," she whispered before shutting the door softly behind her. He did not move, he did not scream, nor did start sobbing. The only sign of fear on his face was the small tear track running down his right cheek that he did not bother to wipe away.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. 

Chapter 2

It was… bright. There was a bright light shining in his eyes and soft cotton wrapped around him. Warm tendrils were raking through his hair gently and slowly easing him from his rest. The ceiling was white, he realized, as his eyes began to focus on what was above him. The sunlight from the outside world glittered softly into the room on the light summer breeze. The cotton from the bed sheets was warm and soothing against his aching skin and the warm tendrils raking through his hair was not a summer's breeze at all but someone's hand. As his ears began to work, he heard a voice somewhere in the room calling to him. It was a very faint voice that grew louder as his mind began to awaken more. He was blinded for a spilt second but when he opened his eyes he met the concerned gaze of a nurse. She smiled at him and he saw her lips move before she moved out of his field of vision again.

The sound of birds chirping reached his ears and he turned his head slowly towards the window. The light summer breeze wafted across his face and he could see faintly the two birds that were hopping about on a branch outside his window. The walls were white too, he noticed dimly. Footsteps echoed across the hospital floor and his gaze turned again to see the nurse coming back with someone in a doctor's coat. The doctor was speaking as he pulled a stethoscope from around his neck and proceeded to check his vital signs.

'Why?' he asked himself. 'Why am I here?' The doctor said something that he couldn't catch and proceeded to explain something to him. It was amusing. This doctor thought he was capable of understanding him when he couldn't even hear? That was absolutely laughable. His throat worked to swallow against the scratchiness of it and he felt his lips move as he tried to speak.

"Where… am I?" he asked softly. So softly he doubted that the doctor and nurse could even hear him. But when the doctor just smiled calmly down at him he was surprised.

"You're in the military hospital in Central, Mr. Elric," so the doctor had heard him. Central? When… how… where was Central? Military hospital? When had he joined the military?

"Mil…i…tary?" he asked softly, his brows knitted in confusion as his mind worked to puzzle everything out. The doctor looked momentarily confused before nodding slowly.

"Yes, Mr. Elric," he said. "The military hospital in Central. Colonel Mustang brought you in with the medical team that helped to rescue you," Colonel Mustang? Rescue?

"R…rescue?" he asked, thoroughly thrown for a loop. If this was some trick by Al or Winry he was gonna be—he stopped. Al… where was he? A sudden spike of fear lanced through him, so hot that he thought he was going to burst into flames right there in the hospital bed.

"W-where's Al?" he asked, his voice shaky. Confusion. Worry. Sorrow…. Pity. They all raced across the doctor's face as he took his hand in his.  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Elric, but—"

"There you are, Edward Elric!" cried a voice from the broken doorway. Edward turned his head slowly away from the doctor, thoughts of Al and his whereabouts still racing in his mind. A strongly built man with a blonde mustache and single curl of hair sticking out from his forehead, also in the same military uniform as the doctor rushed over and, had it not been for the fact that he was in the hospital and, he assumed, badly injured for he knew for a fact that this man would have scooped him into a bear hug, shoved the doctor away and took his hand looking relieved.

"How wonderful it is to see you, Edward Elric! And awake and alert I see! Marvelous! Simply relieving!" 'Who is this guy?' he wondered dimly before another person walked in, this time hidden behind a huge flower arrangement.

"Major Armstrong, how many times do I have to ask you NOT to startle him?" the voice was stern yet female and oddly familiar. As the arrangement was set down a woman, what is it with people and military uniforms, with blonde hair and amber eyes was revealed to him. She looked as relieved as the Major did yet wasn't as overly enthusiastic about it.

"It's good to see you awake, Ed," she said, smiling down at him serenely. Serene. Ed.

'ED!' armor clanging, people laughing, metal holding, fear screeching. Pleading, begging, metal tearing. Red and cold. Red and fear. Images of years past when they had done the act forbidden. Desperation, provocation, aggravation! Pleading, fear, pain and…nothing.

"Edward!" someone shouting. A female someone, shouting his name, urging him to calm down, pleading with him to stop… whatever it was he was doing. Pinprick pain… flowing tears… words… whispered as a prayer….

"Al," his voice was broken yet he sent the plea up to whomever would listen. "Al, come back. Where are you? I… need… you… Al," and then… silence.

Riza Hawkeye gently laid the broken figure of Edward Elric back down upon the bed and gently tucked him back in, careful of the iv tube still in his arm. She gently wiped the stray tears from his cheeks and stepped away from the bed so the doctor could examine him again. Her heart wrenched in her throat as he moaned in his sleep and his fingers twitched as if reaching for something. A nightmare is what it appeared to be but she knew it for the something bigger. It was… a remembrance. A remembrance of pain, sorrow, guilt, disbelief, and grief. It tore her apart to watch him twitch in the doctor's hold so she left, the major soon following after her. Their footsteps echoed down the hallway until they reached the well-kept courtyard and finally, the Major stopped following her.

"So it's true then," he said softly. It was her turn to pause this time and as she looked over her shoulder to the major her throat began to clog.

"The Older Elric is here because—"

"Please," she interrupted. "I'd rather… not think about that right now, Major." A few moments pause, then a nod, and they were heading back to central headquarters where they knew that the Colonel was waiting for their report.

If he was where he should be, he would be doing paper work. IF he was where he should be, he would be receiving a report from Hawkeye and Armstrong on Full Metal's condition. If he was where he should be… then he would have prevented this from ever happening. Colonel Roy Mustang, future king of the military, walked quietly down the halls of the military hospital. He knew on what floor and in what room the boy was resting for he had come to this place once a day everyday for the past two weeks. He didn't care if he was loosing any sleep or missing any meals. His worry over the boy was growing and gnawing at him with every waking, and non-waking, hour of the day. He was pulled from his thoughts as the Elric's doctor stepped from the room and left the door open a crack. The doctor smiled kindly and nodded to him before heading down the hall, presumably to check on another patient.

Taking in a deep breath, he stepped softly into the room and his heart gave a violent lurch as his eyes took in the image before him. Edward Elric, once strong and proud, now lay, bound to a hospital bed for his own good, an iv in his arm, bandages around almost every inch of exposed skin, his skin like ivory and cool to the touch, lay upon the fresh, white, sun warmed sheets, and slept, oblivious to any and all visitors that entered his room. His golden brows were knitted in his sleep, whether it be from nightmare, pain, or grief Roy Mustang would not know for this boy shared none of his personal life with him. Though he kept a cool exterior on the outside when speaking with others about the Elric brothers, specifically the older Elric, he was truly fearful every time they, he, stepped out of his office door and out of his sight for who knows how long.

The chair legs scrapping across the floor brought him back to himself and he stared down at the broken vision before him. He felt his body flop into the chair and his fingers curl around the pale, cool hand. He brought his lips down lightly to caress the skin of the boy's hand and sighed softly. Maybe, maybe just this once, the boy would hear him and open his glorious sun kissed eyes and smile at him, call him a bastard, … but he knew that that would not happen for this boy… this young, fragile thing, was broken, possibly beyond repair. All because of the greedy wants and desires of the Humunculous. The skin of his forehead pressed against the skin of the back of the boy's hand and rested there, content to just be this close to him, content to just feel this pulse underneath his finger tips. Content to just… rest here… just… for a little while….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

_"Al!" his throat was raw by now. Al was the only one of them that was free. Envy held him tightly with the cold sharp steel of a knife pressed to his delicate throat. He was past frantic, he was past fear, he was beyond past dread. No, in this place, it was terror and desperation that won out. Anger had ceased to rise in him and the fear welled to choke and strangle him as the armor melted. The body fell with a clang and—_

"…ard!" shouting again. His own throat was raw with his desperate cries. The tears burned like acid down his cheeks and he cried feebly for the hands holding him to let him go. His lungs constricted with the need for air and he tried desperately to claw at the fingers at his throat that were slowly and surely crushing his windpipe. The hands on his arms were tight and immovable as steel and his legs were held down making kicking at his unseen foe impossible.

"Edward! Edward, wake up!" a harsh sting across his cheek forced his eyes to fly open and he saw it again. The darkness, the walls, the chains, the blood, the mi—

"Edward!" The command was sharp. He lay still at the sound of it and his vision cleared of the horrid images. The white tile floor and the legs of blue military issue pants slowly siphoned into his brain and the hands at his arms and legs were gentle now, yet ready to snap into steel should he start convulsing again. His head turned ever so slowly and met the concerned gaze of the doctor who was treating him. His gaze flickered over the faces staring down at him. Concerned faces. Familiar faces. Their eyes—

_Holding hate and contempt in them. Their cruel little smiles still on their faces. Taunting offers dropped upon his damaged ears. Fingers tangling in his hair. Pain rising beneath his eyes. Blood dripping down his chin. Nails biting into the tender flesh. The monsters growing horns and fangs. The—_

"…ard!" calling again. Why couldn't they just leave him alone! Leave him in this place and let him rot and burn in hell for what he'd done!

"Edward, it's alright now," that same female voice whispered to him again and he felt arms cradling him close, lips moving against his ear to whisper soft assurances there. The vices on him slowly lifted as his body began to become flesh again instead of the hard steel only two of his limbs were made from. The images of caves and darkness began to rise again but the soothing voice was easing his mind away from those images. His ears, he realized, sorely wished for the voice to be more of a masculine sort then the female one, though he did appreciate the woman's kindness for easing him from his memory. The fingers around his throat stilled and loosened slowly as the woman's fingers ran through his tangled golden hair, massaging the scalp and rocking back and forth just ever so slightly. The hands on his legs and arms had completely vanished and, as his eyes closed, he let his head fall back, his body to fall limp, and his mind to retreat into the soundless pit it had created as a retreat.

The doctor stepped out into the hallway and shut the door to the Elric's room softly. Just as he thought, the colonel and those who had come to get him had not left as he had hoped they would. No, these people wouldn't leave unless they were dragged away kicking and screaming. His gaze turned to the only seemingly sane one here, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and tried to smile reassuringly. Apparently it didn't work as the worry in her eyes only grew.

"He's resting peacefully right now," he said softly, as if the unconscious Elric brother were still awake and in the hall with them. Riza nodded slightly and seemed to be waiting for more information.

"We've also bound his arms to the bed just in case he should wake up and start trying to hurt himself again. I realize it may be harsh but… from his wounds and the way he was screaming… I think that it would be best." Riza sighed slightly and nodded looking at the floor.

"Do what you think is best, Doctor," she said softly. He nodded and glanced back at her companions, a bit worried for their health, though not as much as he was about his patient. He nodded and turned, leaving to check on his other patients.

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the town was lively, and her stomach felt like ejecting itself from her body via her mouth not caring if it killed her in the process. Winry Rockbell nearly broke into a dead sprint as she got off the train. Her eyes scanned the busy train station for any sign of Al's hulking metallic body or Ed's anger lashing out at someone for calling him short. Her heart filled with dread when she saw neither and instead saw the figure of Major Armstrong looking for her she nearly fell to her knees in pure fear. Only the strict voice of her grandmother made her keep hold of herself and follow the small woman towards the hulking form of the Major. The Major naturally greeted them happily, if not a bit over enthusiastically, and led them to a military issue car. The bags were loaded, her grandmother and the Major were speaking pleasantly with one another, and the sun continued to shine. 

"Where's Ed and Al?" she asked quietly, once they were on their way to… where were they going? The conversation stopped and the air in the car grew thick despite the summer breeze floating in through the window. She felt herself growing older by the second as the Major stayed silent.

"Did…." She began and had to swallow many times to get her voice to work. "Did something… happen to them?" It's like the Major was ignoring her or something. Like he was lost in his own little world and unable to hear anything from the one in which his body sat in the military issue car. Her fingers gripped her summer dress tightly and she felt her heart and stomach begin a race to see which one would be ejected first.

"Ah, here we are," the Major said, though not as enthused about their arrival then she thought he would be. He stepped from the car and opened the door for them. Winry's worry doubled yet again as she saw where they were.

"Why are we at a military hospital?" her grandmother asked staring up at the large building. Again the Major didn't answer and merely began to lead them from the car and into the building, past the reception desk, up three flights of stairs, down another hallway, around a corner and finally stopping at the closed door of a patient's room.

"Major Armstrong—" she began but stopped as he held up a hand to wait. The door opened shortly there after and a doctor stepped from the room shutting the door quietly.

"Oh," the doctor said slightly surprised. "You're here already. It's a pleasure to meet you I'm Doctor Itsuro Leroy, Edward Elric's doctor," Winry wanted to slap that smile right off his face.

"Doctor!" she nearly screeched. "What does he need a doctor for! What happened!"

"Winry, calm down," her grandmother reprimanded softly.

"Mr. Elric, I'm afraid to say, has… suffered from an accident," the doctor said softly and motioned for them to follow him down the hall to his office where, once there, he motioned for them to take a seat. Major Armstrong stood beside the closed door as Winry and Pinako sat on the small couch while the doctor sat in his desk chair.

"What kind of accident was it?" her grandmother asked softly, almost as afraid to know the truth as Winry was. The doctor paused for a moment before sighing.

"I'm not sure on the details and neither is anyone else but… it appears the Mr. Elric was tortured." He said, the last word softer then anything, as if to cushion the blow. Winry's heart stopped and her body was like ice. If anyone said anything she couldn't hear it for her brain had stopped working. She saw the doctor's lips moving and felt her grandmother getting agitated but all of that was washed away.

"That's impossible!" she screamed standing suddenly. "Al would NEVER let that happen to Edward! NEVER!" The doctor sat there stunned and swallowed heavily. It was the Major that responded instead of the doctor this time.

"Alphonse Elric… is dead,"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: don't own it.

Chapter 4

_It was dark again. It was that ugly, thick, inky, black, formless, suffocating darkness that enveloped and chilled him so quickly that it tore the little breath he had from him. He hung there in that darkness waiting for something… anything…to set him free. He needed to get away, get away from this ugly darkness and find his brother. His brother was probably hurt and scared and he wasn't being the big brother he was supposed to be by staying in this darkness and letting whatever creatures had him have their way with him. The muscles in his arms strained harshly against the chains that bound them and his throat burned as he screamed and begged and pleaded for the darkness to set him free and to let him find Al. As his screams echoed around him in the darkness a sound echoed back to him. It was tiny at first, barely above that of the tiniest whisper, yet as it grew louder and the chains around him softer and more supple he longed for that sound again. The sound of his little brother's voice was calling to him, pleading for him to wake up. He forced his way out of the darkness, towards his brother and a brilliance of light engulfed him and made him burn. _

His eyes snapped open with an amount of violence unlike any that had ever been seen before. Those watching stared in hope that he wouldn't slip into the ramblings he was prone to. Golden eyes flickered around the room as heaving breath slowly clamed to a reasonable level and the fingers in his hair slowly and gently slipped free. Wide, wild eyes flickered around the faces before landing upon Winry's. A smile graced the girl's lips and the worry made her oceanic eyes all the more brighter. Edward did not take notice of it though as his eyes flickered around the group and took note that someone, someone very, very close to him was missing from the assembled faces. He turned his gaze back to the worried woman above him and before she could ask or say anything the question burning in the back of his mind sprang forward.

"Where's Al?" he asked, his voice shaky at best. Winry's eyes changed from happy relief and faint worry to vibrant worry. He looked around at the other people assembled and saw that same emotion on all of their faces and… something else. W-were they…? They were. They were keeping something from him. They knew where Al was and they weren't saying a damn thing.

"You know how that boy—" Auntie Pinako began. Edward threw her the most vile look he could summon.

"He's not hiding you fucking hag!" he screamed and ripped the IV from his arm. Winry gasped and made to stop him but he did the one thing no one expected him to do to her. He backhanded her so hard that she fell to the floor. The room went deadly silent but Edward Elric never looked back once to the injured girl and began to stumble from the bed. Hands clenched around his arms firmly to hold him where he was but he ripped away falling to the cold tile.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" tears were pricking the backs of his eyes he knew but he pulled himself to his feet and stumbled towards the hall. Another pair of hands, gloved this time, gripped his shoulders lightly and held firm as he tried to rip away from them.

"Let me go!" he screamed again. The hands held firm though and carefully picked him up, avoiding his injuries as best they could with his struggling. Another pair of hands joined the first in putting him back to bed and binding his arms to the rails. The IV was inserted into his vein again and his ankles were also tied to the bed. Golden eyes whipped around to take in the form of Colonel Roy Mustang and he nearly bit the finger that reached out to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Where's Al?" he repeated harshly. The Colonel didn't respond as the doctor stepped up to take his vitals.

"You'll have to calm down, s—"

"Where's my brother! I don't care what you say I have to do I have to find Al! Where is he! I know you know where he is! You're hiding something from me! Where's my little brother!" The doctor sighed heavily as Edward struggled within his bonds. He regretted this heavily but even so, he injected the sedative into the IV line connected to Edward's arm. It was the most pathetic sight, seeing this boy slowly falling into nothingness again, tears streaking his skin. Finally his struggles ceased and those in the room turned their faces and gazes away from the poor boy. Winry carefully pulled herself back up and sat at Edward's bedside, running her fingers through his hair to soothe away any nightmares. The doctor turned on his heel and left.

Pinako sat in one of the harsh hospital chairs in the hallway, waiting for Winry to pull herself from Edward's side. She knew it would be a while but even so she waited. A hand rested over her folded ones and she looked up into the face of Riza Hawkeye, a motherly type of person she could tell. Pinako smiled up at the woman and patted her hand gently.

"He'll be just fine," she said softly. Riza nodded but continued to hold the old woman's hand.

"I know he will. It still worries me though. How do we tell him that…?" she trailed off and looked back at the tile not able to finish the question. Pinako sighed heavily and also stared at the floor.

"That I'm not very sure of," she said softly and looked up when Winry stepped from the room. The poor girl's eyes were downcast and the angry red mark on her right cheek seemed to be fading slightly. Pinako waited for she knew the question was coming.

"Grandma," she started softly. Pinako smiled. She was always right when it came to her granddaughter.

"You can stay with him Winry, if the doctor says it's alright," she answered. Winry smiled and hugged her.

"Thank you," Pinako nodded and patted the girl's back comfortingly before she left and stepped back into the room.

"Is it wise to let her stay with him? What if he wakes up?" Riza said softly. Pinako just smiled.

"You've never seen Winry and Edward together before. She's quite the mothering type if you watch her carefully," she said and stood. "I'd better get Winry's things." Riza nodded before standing as well.

"I'll help you,"

_His feet were pounding upon the nonexistent floor as he ran towards home. The basket of vegetables was under one arm and as he threw the door open calling out a greeting her stopped. The basket fell. The darkness grew as he stared upon his mother laying unmoving upon the floor and his brother beside her… a gapping hole in his chest from where that… thing had torn into him. He choked and his fingers reached out to grab the both of them but the shadows ripped him away. He could hear his little brother's voice screaming for him, asking where he was, pleading, begging. It brought tears to his eyes and those tears spilled down his face as the shadows clogged his throat and prevented him from calling out to his brother, telling him where he was. Pain wrenched thorugh him like a hot poker as he saw that gelatinous lump of a thing chewing on his brother's leg while the other two laughed and smirked. He would kill them…he would kill them all!_

A/N: I'm soooo sorry! I didn't mean to not update for however long I didn't update for! I lost my idea! But I got it back! Tell me what you think everyone and I shall work on the next one straight away!


	5. Onegai!

Hey guys,

I am so sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time but…… it's official. I'm stuck. I have no idea what to do next to get to where I want in this story. So. I've come up with a little idea so you guys can help me. If you're willing please e-mail me at and give me your ideas. I would be sooooo grateful if you would all help me and as a show of thanks I'll write a fic from any fandom that I know of with an idea that you come up with.

I know that last sentence sounds kind of arrogant huh? Sorry! But I really do need your help! I promise if you help me then I'll be able to get the next chapter up that much quicker! Please! I beg of you!

has her forehead pressed to the floor in a deep bow

Onegai, Minna-sama!

Yours truly,

Star Blaze.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The moonlight looked so pretty glittering across the floor like that, the white of the tiles almost silver without the sun to glare upon them. A soft, cooling breeze fluttered in through the open window and cooled the tears upon his heated cheeks. How many times had he woken up crying? It was getting so hard to keep count. Every time he woke up it seemed like he was crying or wanted to cry. Why? Why did he keep crying? Was it because of the nightmares? He hadn't cried because of a nightmare in years so… why now of all times? Or was it… because… for some reason it felt like something had been snatched cruelly away from him. He heard the door open softly and the soft tread of boots. Winry was soundly asleep on the couch that had been moved into the room for her and didn't stir when his nightly visitor took a seat on the chair beside the bed. Neither of them said anything for quite some time. The breeze continued to flow into the room softly carrying the song of the night birds and the summer bugs. His visitor probably didn't even realize that he was awake, the shadows being as thick as they were. A shiver spiraled down his spine and he felt the visitor stand and place a thicker blanket over his fragile frame. Unbidden, his mouth and throat worked to voice the message of his nightmares.

"He's dead," broke through the night and stilled his visitor's movements. "Isn't he," more of a statement rather then a question. Silence met his ears and he felt his gaze move to his visitor's face. Dark eyes looked away as soon as he had turned his head, long fingers usually encased in pristine white gloves knotted into the fabric of his slacks. It was on that unblemished, usually frozen mask of a face that he got his answer. He wasn't all that surprised really. His mind had known it all along and had tried revealing it to him many a time through his dreams. Shock and sadness didn't rush through him as expected. Only a tendril of guilt crept into him as he returned his gaze to the ceiling.

"I want to see him," he said. His visitor looked up surprised but he ignored the look in favor of counting the ceiling tiles in the dark. He could feel his heart stilling in his chest, though it still pumped life's elixir through his body, as it grew cold from the absence of his younger brother's presence and constant smiles. He would have to see his brother to know that he was truly gone and he would have to make a grave for him. A voice tried to get him to pay attention to his visitor yet his mind refused to acknowledge him. It was filled with memories and images of his brother, Alphonse running along with him through the fields of Risembool, laughing with Winry, training with teacher. Maybe he would bury a giant plush cat with his brother, since he always tried to hide them in his armor. Yes, he would make the long journey home and bury his brother beside his mother's grave. He would help Winry and aunt Pinako with their automail business, settle back home, eat lunch at Al's grave. Maybe he'd start writing a book or something about his travels with his brother and how he was so heartlessly wrenched away from him. He'd probably build a small little house near where his old one was burned down and leave the military that Al had never wanted him to join in the first place. That would be fine wouldn't it? Right, Al? That would be a good life to lead once he got out of this hospital. Right, right, he'd also have to apologize to Winry for hitting her and apologize to Aunt Pinako for yelling at her. He'd write up his formal resignation and hand in his pocket watch. That would be fine. Resign, go back home, and settle down. Is that ok, Al? Al? This is ok right? Al? …You're probably mad at me for abandoning you but I'll visit you everyday, Al. I promise. I promise, Al. I promise.

Dark eyes watched the pale figure silently, his calls silenced long ago. The boy, once a smart ass yet short tempered and cheerful, just stared up at the ceiling, eyes blank and heedless of the tears that were currently streaming down his face to grace his ears before falling onto the pillow or his hair. By moonlight this creature looked so beautiful. The beams would reflect softly against his pale skin and make his hair look almost silver. The tears glittered against his cheeks and he ached, oh how he ached, to brush them away. But he couldn't. He couldn't bother this creature any more then he was already. The visitor stood slowly and carefully crept from the room, shutting the door as silently as he had opened it, leaving the last bit of hope he held behind.

A/N: hey guys! sorry it's been so long but i've been stuck. thank you for the help though guys i'll need more soon please! pleasepleasepleaseplease send me your comments and thoughts about how this should go cause i need help! love you all! is my e-mail. bye bye and thank you again!


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own it!

Chapter 6

It was frightening. He sat there letting the doctor check him and the nurse rebandage his wounds without making any sound of protest at all. His lips were curved just faintly and he actually ate when the nurse brought his breakfast. All without protest. He allowed himself to be pulled from his bed and into the wheel chair and taken outside into the bright, cheerful sun. He appeared to listen to whatever Winry and Pinako said and didn't even raise a protest when Major Armstrong nearly crushed his ribs in one of his hugs. He just accepted everything silently, that damn faint smile on his lips the whole time. Winry wanted to hit him. And the damn doctor that kept saying that it was normal for someone recovering from stress to act differently.

"How can he say that!" Winry shouted angrily, her grandmother watching her pace the room that the military had given them while they tried to help Ed.

"He doesn't even know that Al is dead and now he's just taking everything without protest and have you actually LOOKED at him! He's SMILING. There's a damn smile on his lips now like he knows something!" Winry threw her arms in the air as she made her way to the window and watched the streetlights and people moving about central and going on with their everyday lives like nothing was happening. Pinako was silent for a long moment as she watched her granddaughter. She had seen Edward earlier that day and spent most of the day with him as well as Winry. She had to agree though, something was wrong with Edward, something more then his injuries.

"Let's just wait for a while, Winry, and see what happens. Maybe in the next few days he'll get better,"

"How can you say that like it's nothing! 'He'll get better!' Grandma, he's snapped! We have to take him home and get him out of central!"

"You know we can't do that, Winry, all the best doctors are here and they'll be able to help him more then we can."

"Physically! He can't stay here in Central to heal! They don't know how to help him!" Pinako sighed and looked to the floor. Winry did have a point... again. Pinako sighed and let her granddaughter continue her rant as thoughts of how to get Edward home entered her mind.

"Let's just wait until we see him tomorrow, Winry," Pinako said soothingly. No sooner had she said the words and made Winry calm down and agree to them that a chill flew up her spine and some type of fear stab violently into her brain. This fear was justified as soon as they walked into Edward's hospital room. Most of the morning proceeded as per normal with the nurse bringing in breakfast, checking him over and leaving. Usually it was Winry or Pinako that started the conversations with Edward, trying to draw him from his shell but, much to their surprise, it was Edward that spoke first, eyes turned to the outside world beyond the window but not really seeing it.

"Winry," he said, voice low and slightly rough with the sudden use of it.

"Yes, Edward?" Winry asked, walking over to the bed and taking a seat on the edge of it, her fingers winding with his mechanical ones. Edward was silent for a moment more, smile still on his lips. It amazed Pinako that he could say such cold things with a smile still dancing across his face.

"Where are they keeping Al's armor?" It seemed to echo in the room for several minutes, both of them to stunned to say anything.

"What are you talking about, Ed?" Winry asked, breath barely making the question little more then a whisper.

"Al's armor. Where are they keeping it? It should be buried in Risembool, next to mom's grave an—"

"What are you saying!" Winry nearly shrieked this. Edward turned his lifeless gaze to her, finally looking at them. Winry's heart fell into a more sluggish pace as she gazed into those eyes. Eyes that were once so bright with life, joy, happiness, laughter. Eyes that would spark with anger, dim with sorrow, twinkle in mischief. Now… those eyes of his that she had felt herself drawn to all those years ago, those eyes that could speak volumes and hide nothing from her, those eyes that could sympathize and sooth her, infuriate and amuse her, sadden her and make her feel a warmth of added family were staring back at her with such ice glittering in their depths that it shook and stung her to the very core of her being. She wanted to smack that damn smile from his lips and light a fire under his ass to get life back into those eyes. But even as she thought these things she knew that he would only stare back at her with the same damn smile and those same damn, lifeless hunks of gold in his eye sockets as he was now. Those eyes still haunted her as she flew from the room. They lingered in front of her and taunted her with their cruel coldness, almost laughing at her as she ran back to her hotel room. Her heart stung violently in her chest, pounding harshly, clawing at her chest and nearly ripping her chest cavity open to leave a big gaping whole there as her heart bounced about the room leaving blood splatters everywhere for the hotel staff to clean up. It was a long time before she felt those eyes leave her and a greater amount of time to realize that she was still in Ed's hospital room, staring into the hunks of gold that inhabited his eye sockets as he waited for an answer to his monstrosity of a question. Her lips trembled upon the question, her throat clogging, stomach lurching to try and empty itself on the hospital's clean floor.

"You can see him when the doctor proclaims you well enough to see him, Edward," came a voice from the doorway. Edward turned his gaze towards the door and cocked his head to the side.

"Colonel Mustang," he said softly. "What are you doing here?" Louder this time. Colonel Roy Mustang walked over, uniform in perfect position as usual, hair styled to perfection. His face was nothing more then carved marble before the broken Fullmetal Alchemist and he stared back at Ed with eyes of cold onyx.

"I do keep up with the health of my subordinates, Fullmetal," he said, voice firm. Ed nodded slowly. So it was back to that then was it?

"Though that won't be for several more weeks. You'll just have to be patient and wait," Ed sat back against his pillows, eyes lingering on Mustang for a short while longer before turning to the window again. Birds continued dancing through the branches but they held no sort of interest for him anymore. He could hear the murmurs of the other people in the room, now distant to his ears drift around on the wind until everything just blended into blessed silence. The sun was warm where it seeped through the window, the wind soothing against his over heated flesh. A laugh broke into his silent, washed out world and drew his attention to internal memories where he could watch Alphonse chase after him, trying to beat him home. It was such a funny thing really, all the little things that he could remember now. Deep down in his heart he knew that Al's soul was now on the other side of the gate with his body and that he had probably already been reborn into his new life where he could be more happy and not burdened by his fading memories, constant knowledge that he was just a soul bound to armor that could be destroyed so easily. Deep, far back in his mind and heart he wished his little brother well on his new life as a new thought stole to the forefront. It warmed the cold feeling in his chest and he had to suppress his laughter as he thought it. This would be such a fun quest indeed.

_I'll bet that they won't even be expecting a damn thing,_ he thought, laughing on the inside. Unbeknownst to the rest of the room, his smile grew, eyes sparking with familiar lights of rage, determination and a new spark of murderous intent. Oh how fun indeed. But back to the question at hand.

Where were those Homunculi?

A:N/ Hey guys! Sorry this took sooooo long but I've been in a little bit of a slump lately. But tonight, I have inspiration so I wrote this and now I have posted it! Send me comments please and I shall have another burst of inspiration! Arigatou!


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: FMA does not belong to me.

A/N: (bows) I'm so sorry guys!!! My inspiration fled me but now it is back and with that I have posted this chapter!! Enjoy!! BTW, if this seems rushed I'm sorry but I'm getting to the point that I can actually work with this thing and get the cool part up. R&R and I'll update soon!! I promise!!

Chapter 7 

During the next few weeks, Winry watched as Ed slowly made his recovery. His wounds healed, he was walking around unassisted now and he was eating without a fuss. On sunny days he would sit outside under a tree and read or just watch the birds flit through the trees. When it stormed he would watch the rain patter against the windows in silent fascination. He still received and accepted visitors but never held any conversations with them. About three weeks after this sudden change, the doctors proclaimed him fit and he was allowed to stay with Winry and Pinako in the small hotel room that the military was now paying for. And thus the routine, though slightly altered, continued. Ed would get up, eat, sit at the window and read and go to the hospital to meet with some therapist everyday like clockwork. Winry's only sense of reassurance that this was only temporary came from her grandmother. However, no longer able to stand Ed's shell, she left, saying that she had to go home so their business didn't go belly up. Winry knew that it was perfectly fine and it was just an excuse but she would not begrudge her grandmother for the choice to leave. If only Winry could leave so easily. If only this hadn't happened then Winry could keep seeing Ed's smiling face when she closed her eyes, replaced though with nothing more then the shell he had become.

"Winry," someone called. Winry snapped her head up quickly and smiled at Lieutenant Hawkeye who took a seat across from her at the small table in the hospital's cafeteria.

"Hello, Lieutenant," she greeted, forcing a smile onto her lips. Hawkeye gave her a disapproving look so she dropped it, opting instead to stare into her now cold tea.

"How's he doing?" Hawkeye asked, voice low. Winry let out a long sigh of air and shook her head.

"Physically he's fine. But everyday he keeps asking to see Al and everyday I keep running out of excuses to give him as to why he can't," she said, trying to fight off tears. Hawkeye patted the young woman's arm and sighed as well.

"If it will make you feel any better," she started, earning the girl's gaze. "I think Roy is going to let him see him soon," Winry thought her heart would stop.

"You can't," she said and quickly grabbed the surprised lieutenant's arm. "Please, lieutenant, don't let him! He can't yet! He isn't well!" she said, voice rising to a panic. Hawkeye hurried to shush the girl, patting her arm and squeezing her twitching hand. Winry calmed somewhat but her eyes remained desperate to her plea.

"We can't hold him off forever, Winry," she said. "Colonel Mustang thinks it would be best to show him sooner rather then later," Winry opened her mouth to object but Hawkeye stopped her.

"If we keep hiding it from him it will only make his condition worse. I've talked to the doctors and they agree that seeing Al might be for the best,"

"So when do I get to see him," spoke a slightly rough voice from behind them. Both women jumped, one whirling around in her seat and the other meeting cold golden eyes. Riza let out a breath of relief when she saw him, one hand on her chest and trying to calm her rapidly pacing heart. Edward just stood there waiting, watching them, the doctor standing near him, chewing a bit nervously on his lip.

"The colonel—" Riza started.

"When?" Ed asked, interrupting her. Riza studied the boy before her and sighed internally.

"Tomorrow," she said. Ed seemed to think it over before nodding and looking at Winry, not saying anything. Winry seemed to receive the silent message and stood from her seat.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow, Lieutenant," she said and held her hand out to Edward. Riza watched as he stared at it for a second before taking it and allowing himself to be pulled out of the building. Riza just shook her head sadly and turned to the doctor, a plea in her eyes.

"If I knew," started the doctor and handed her a sketchbook. "I would tell you," Riza took the sketchbook a bit cautiously, praying to god that it might be empty.

"I gave him that during our session today," the doctor said, taking Winry's vacated seat and rubbing his forehead. "Now, I'm regretting it," And Riza could see why.

"Did you have to give him colored pencils, too?" she asked.

"I didn't see the harm in it at first," replied the doctor. "Never again, though" Riza nodded in agreement, flipping through what little pages were tainted by furious doodling and trying very, VERY hard not to commit the images to memory. Images of burning homunculi would not do well in her over stressed mind. Snapping the cover closed on the wretched images, she handed the tainted sketchbook back to the doctor who took it just as cautiously as she had and set it on the table between them. Both were silent for a moment before the doctor stood, taking the sketchbook.

"I'll be coming with you tomorrow, just in case," he said. Riza nodded and he walked off. Riza cast a look out the window and sighed. The sunrays coming in from the windows merely told her that it was maybe a little past two and that she still had about twenty hours and change until the appointed meeting with the metallic corpse of Alphonse Elric.

* * *

That was it, she concluded. That was the last straw. What right did it have? What fucking right did it have to be so damn shiny and bright in it's bright filed of warm blue, frolicking with the puffy clouds and tempting the birds to fly into it? What right did it have to be so damn happy when Winry was watching Ed watch for the car that would take them to where they were keeping Al's armor? What right did the fucking birds have to by flying around so carefree and happy when they should be huddled in a tree waiting for the rain that should be falling to stop? Did they have any right to be that damn happy? No! None of it did! The dogs had no right to be barking, the sun had no right to be shining, the birds had no right to be flying and singing and the clouds, oh the clouds defiantly had no fucking right to be looking so damn puffy up there in that bright field of blue just tempting her to run the fuck away to where things weren't so messed up and they weren't waiting for some black military car to drive up to their sorry ass hotel to take them to see the metal corpse of someone that she had considered a little brother for years! 

"Winry," Ed said, standing from his seat suddenly, eyes focused outside and down below. Winry snapped out of her enraged mental ramblings and looked over to the other blonde, smile forcing it's way onto her face and staying way the hell away from her cold as ice eyes.

"The car's here," he said and didn't even look at her as he grabbed his coat and shoes and left. Winry quickly grabbed her coat and followed the boy downstairs, smiling when she saw Major Armstrong trying to give Edward a hug. The smile faded and died quickly when Ed ducked under his hulking, strong as an ox arms and walked over to the car where Riza was stepping out. Winry sighed, giving the abandoned Major a sympathetic look, walking out into the horridly bright sunlight and cursing it once more. Riza cast a look her way and Winry had to sigh again. Edward was going to either give her grey hairs or a heart attack one day… if he didn't kill the car or the lieutenant first.

"Ed," she said, stepping up to the distraught boy and placing a hand on his arm. "Let's get into the car, ok? We won't get anywhere if we just stand here, will we?" Gold flicked to her briefly before he nodded slowly and slipped into the car. Winry followed, taking one of Ed's hands in both of hers but a frown crossed her face. Though she had taken Ed's metal hand in hers she could feel a twitching coming from the fingers. Looking up, she saw for the first time a sliver of some emotion running through Edward's eyes… and it killed her to see it. Pain was the only word for that slithering something in the once cold eyes. She squeezed Ed's hand tightly in her own and laid her head against his trembling shoulder, ignoring the way he stiffened then forced himself to relax. Distantly, the noticed the Major take the seat behind the wheel and Riza slid in on the other side of Ed. The doors were soon shut and off they went to the morgue where Alphonse was no doubt waiting for them.


End file.
